Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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