My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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