You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And my parents said I crawled through the house
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
