it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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