i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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