It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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