Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
