Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
