I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
