If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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