In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
