Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
