you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
