This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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