She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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