ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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