dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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