just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
