Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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