I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is wine microwaveable?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
