That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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