u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
