Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
