hotel room ftw
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize