two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No subtext here. People are naked.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
