This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
