guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
