I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
