he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
