There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How external is "for external use only"?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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