I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
