Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
only if we run a train.
done.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
