I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
