we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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