I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
