happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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