told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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