Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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