He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
