my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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