I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
