You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
