I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize