im holly from the hills drunk
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
