Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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