matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
