A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
