so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
