And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
