I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
