You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
