i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
