Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
