Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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