So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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