dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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