That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
