i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
