i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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