He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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