Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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