We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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