honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
