She is in my trunk
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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