Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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