Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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