O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
