Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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