Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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