So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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