So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
