sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I lost the right to judge tonight
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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