He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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