u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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