Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
