fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
