i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
